


Love Will Keep Us Alive

by anyrei, mugglerock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 489327689235th Coda for Despair, An Exploration of Emotions, And Dean Has Something to Say, And Remember Folx, And as Mark Sheppard Said, Because Duh It’s Us, Bottom Castiel, But Fanfiction is Forever, Castiel is Back, Coda, Destiel is Technically Fucking Canon, Don Those Clown Masks Bitches, Episode s15e18 Despair- Coda, Episode: s15e18 Despair, Episode: s15e18 Despair - Castiel's Confession Scene, Explicit Sexual Content, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Happy Clowning, Love Confessions, Love-Making, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Real Honest to God Friggin’ Love-Making, Reciprocity and Consummation, Romance, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Supernatural May Be Ending, Top Dean Winchester, We Veto any Canon Sad Ending, either way, minimal to no angst, so is Destiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:21:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27513754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyrei/pseuds/anyrei, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mugglerock/pseuds/mugglerock
Summary: He thought he couldn't have what he wanted. Just proves that angels don't know everything.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 37
Kudos: 544
Collections: Destiel is Canon - 15x18 Codas, SPN Finale "Destiel is CANON" Collection, The AnyRock Collection





	Love Will Keep Us Alive

**Author's Note:**

> **Frankie here:** The 489327689235th coda for season 15 episode 18. We all know why. And of course, ‘cause it’s us, there’s smut. Also, we skimmed over the unimportant shit, you know like how they defeated Chuck, and how Cas came back because, well… we’re not as interested in that, and we have a sneaking suspicion a lot of you aren’t either. And yes the title is the Eagles song, seeing as Dean would expect no less. 
> 
> **Any here:** I'm just here for bottom!Cas.
> 
>  **Frankie here:** and I am here for the food.
> 
>  **Any here:** You have food? Where?
> 
>  **Frankie here:** You’ve gotta come here to Washington (hint hint wink wink nudge nudge)
> 
>  **Any here:** when we finally all get vaccinated and I own a passport to visit you, the food will be gone...
> 
>  **Frankie here:** Done deal. Anyway, we hope you enjoy our version of the coda lol. ❤️❤️🤡🤡
> 
>  **Any here:** just fyi Sam and I hate you all for choosing a clown as our symbol for our naive hope.
> 
>  **Frankie here:** I’m just happy it’s not a shark. Although, it might be if buckleming fucks up tomorrow’s episode.
> 
>  **Any here:** so glad I don't have to watch that.
> 
>  **Frankie here:** you will if they make dean reciprocate mwahahahahaha!
> 
>  **Any here:** if cas comes back and dean reciprocates i will eat my words and binge watch all the episodes that I missed since I stopped watching. Happy Clowning, I guess.
> 
> P.S. Major love, thanks, kudos, misha and destiel kisses to the ever incomparable [tfw_cas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tfw_cas) for her quick, efficient beta work. We don’t deserve you, dude.
> 
> P.P.S. You can follow us on our joint tumblr [here](https://the-real-anyrock.tumblr.com/)! Or follow us on Twitter (anyrei | @anyrei) & (mugglerock | @_mugglerock)

**Love Will Keep Us Alive**

For a couple of weeks, Dean felt like he couldn’t even take a damn breath. The build up to the final showdown, losing everyone, and that meant every single friggin’ person he had ever given a damn about… A total and such profound loss, and then having to step up and save the friggin’ world. Then just as quickly as everything came to a head, suddenly it was over.

They won. Somehow, against all odds, they won. Chuck was gone. Billie was gone. Every single person Chuck snapped away was back, with no memory of being a Marvel reject. Jack had his powers back. They were no longer the playthings for a bunch of dick celestial beings. 

And Cas… Cas was back. With no bullshit deal hanging in the balance. And before Dean could even process his return, everyone stormed the angel, bombarding the poor bastard with question after question.

_ How did you escape? How are you back? What happened to the empty? _

For the brief moment they made eye contact, the profoundly peaceful expression was momentarily disturbed by a subtle eye roll for Dean’s benefit before Cas turned back to the next in line, and proceeded to tell his story. Again.

Dean was grateful Cas left out certain details about how he ended up there in the first place. Those details belonged to Dean.

Then Garth rolled up with several hunters, followed by Jody and the girls, and suddenly the bunker turned into Mardi Gras, well a sadder, drunker one. There were countless people in the bunker; drinking, laughing, playing games, and immersed in general merriment. 

Every time he caught Cas alone, daring to approach for a long overdue conversation, someone would appear and hand Cas a drink. They were constantly surrounded, and after a couple of hours, Dean made peace with the fact he was going to have to wait.

Hell, he’d had years of waiting, what was another day?

But when Dean woke up the next morning, Cas was gone. Sam dragged him along to pick up everyone a breakfast of greasy burritos. Dean had to restrain himself from decking his brother for taking a prime opportunity for some alone time with the angel.

One day turned into two, then three, then into another week. And Dean could feel himself growing more and more agitated. He needed to talk to Cas. He had so much to say, so many emotions Cas’s dizzying confession had left him to deal with.

The opportunity finally presented itself on a Thursday. Eileen and Sam caught a case in Louisiana, so Dean helped them pack and made them take Jack.

“Don’t you want to come?” Sam asked.

Dean rifled a hand through his hair. “I need you guys to get the hell out of here for a day or two.”

While his brother had clearly been taken aback by the demand, he always knew when to just shut up and go. And after way too damn long, the bunker was finally, blissfully empty, save for himself and Cas. 

Dean found himself going straight for the liquor. He needed all the courage he could get.

"Hello, Dean." Those words greeted him. Words he never thought he would get to hear again. Zeppelin II on vinyl paled in comparison. 

Cas was sitting at the kitchen table, looking up at him with a shy smile; a fresh bowl of popcorn in front of him. He had clearly been watching something on his phone, which he had paused the moment Dean entered the kitchen.

Dean couldn’t help but smile in return, a wave of sheer relief at knowing Cas being here was actually real… Not a dream, not an alcohol induced fugue of regret and sheer, unadulterated sorrow. “Hey, Cas,” he said as he grabbed the bourbon and held it up in offer. “Have a drink with me?”

"Of course," Cas replied, folding his hands as he looked at him, expression inquisitive. "What's the occasion?"

“Do we need one?” he asked as he poured them each a glass and carried them, and the bottle, to the table. Dean sat down next to Cas, instead of across, and slid him his drink.

Cas turned in his chair to look at Dean as he grabbed his glass. He lifted it when their eyes met, and Cas gave him another shy smile. "To every occasion where we don't need an occasion then."

Dean clinked his glass against Cas’s. “And to having the damn bunker to ourselves.”

Cas's eyebrows twitched upwards and his expression turned embarrassed. He sipped his drink before he murmured, "It was very crowded here. We didn't have… any moment to…" Cas looked away then and sighed. "Talk."

_ Shit. _ It was kind of a relief to not bring it up first. Dean nodded. “Yeah. I’ve, uh… Last time, I, uh… didn’t get a chance to say much.” And Dean would never not regret the way he froze when revelation after revelation clocked him upside his head.

Cas stared at his glass with a nod. "I'm sorry. I didn't expect to survive this… I… I hope you know that I don't expect anything from you. Like I said, I know this is something I cannot have, and I made peace with that."

And it just tumbled out, “Why’d you say that?”

Cas looked up, his expression pained. "I'm sorry, Dean. In that moment… I thought it was the only way to save you. I never planned on telling you."

“No, no, Cas,” Dean said as he downed the shot and leaned his elbow on the table. “No. Why’d you say you can’t have what you want?”

Cas tilted his head with a dumbfounded expression that turned bemused. “I’m starting to wonder if my confession hasn't been clear. I… I love you. In a romantic way.”

Dean let out a soft huff of laughter and used the calloused part of his hand to wipe at the corner of his mouth. “I know, Cas. That wasn’t my question.”

Blue eyes stared at him wordlessly for a moment, and Dean could see Cas was having difficulty processing that question. “You… you like me like a brother, like family. And I’m in a male body. I know how much you love women.”

“Sounds like you’re makin’ a lot of assumptions.” Dean grabbed the bottle and poured them each another glass. “What proof do you have you can’t have what you want?”

Cas furrowed his brow. “You told me that I’m like a brother to you, and you are very expressive about your love for women. It wasn’t a farfetched assumption.” He tilted his head again. “Are you saying I’m wrong?” 

Just like Elvis used to sing, it was now or never. Dean held Cas’s gaze and said, “Yes.”

Cas swallowed visibly, his eyes searching Dean’s as if he wasn’t sure if all of this was happening. His voice was quiet, and sounded a little broken when he asked, “What are you saying, Dean?”

Dean leaned forward, grasping Cas’s hand to hold it. “Look, Cas… I’m not… I’m not great with words, or feelings… And I made my assumptions too…”

Cas looked down at their joined hands, lips parted as he entwined their fingers. When he looked up, his expression had turned hopeful, his eyes shimmering. Somehow that made them even bluer. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Maybe let me do the talking for a sec?” Dean suggested, voice cracking with a relieved laugh. 

“Of course,” Cas replied, another shy smile playing over his lips. Lips that were damn hard to look away from. A trail of warmth followed the movement of Cas’s thumb softly caressing the back of his hand, probably an unconscious movement.

Dean took a slow, deep breath, trying to piece together the words flipping around his damn noggin, trying to make sense of what he felt… why… “You were right. When you talked about how I see myself? How our enemies see me? You hit the nail on the fucking head. My anger, my destructive tendencies… all of it. It’s why I…” He grabbed his drink with his free hand and downed it. “I repressed the hell out of what I felt for you. A fuck up like me? Being even remotely close to an option for an angel, and not just any angel, but the best goddamn angel I’ve ever known… How could I possibly be something he could want?” 

Cas gave him a pained look and squeezed his hand. “In all that time I failed in showing you that how you see yourself is not who you are, not for me.”

“You didn’t fail. You couldn’t have. The odds were stacked.” Dean shook his head. “I never would’ve seen it, hell… I still don’t really think I do, but… you deserve to know. This ain’t one-sided.”

Cas swallowed visibly, looking a little nervous. It reminded Dean of the time he had taken Cas to a brothel, so many years ago now. “What does that mean for us?”

Dean flashed him a smile and used his free hand to cup Cas’s cheek. “What do you want it to mean?”

Cas's eyes fluttered shut for a moment as he leaned into Dean's touch. His expression was still shy when he murmured, "I want to be with you as more than your best friend."

And because words, romance, and tact was not his strong suit, Dean chuckled and said, “Then kiss me, damnit.”

He could practically feel the way Cas’s nervousness spiked. Cas reached out to Dean and slid his palm along the curve of Dean’s neck to hold him in place. His breathing hitched as he leaned closer, closing his eyes. And then his lips ghosted over Dean’s for a moment. It was a glorious torture until Cas finally closed the gap. Soft lips moved hesitantly over Dean’s, causing sparks to course through Dean’s nervous system.

Dean succumbed to the rush of helplessness, yielding to a warmth that flowed through his veins. He tilted his head and gently tapped his tongue against the seam of Cas’s lips, a silent plea, almost a prayer.

Cas parted his lips with a soft gasp, pulling him closer as he deepened the kiss, his tongue experimentally sliding over Dean's. He could still feel Cas's tension, his nervousness, but it started to fade away.

Without breaking contact, he scooted his chair closer, dragging his fingers down the nape of Cas’s neck. Goosebumps trailed over Dean’s skin at the intensity of a dizzying kiss that sent insistent tremors through him. He really shouldn’t have been surprised that the best thing that ever happened to him, was also the best at everything. 

The moment his fingers touched Cas's neck, the angel squirmed against him, letting out a deep groan as they turned up the heat.  _ Angel g-spot. Nice. _ Cas's other hand slid up Dean's shirt before tightening his grip there to hold on.

That friggin’ groan hit Dean in a way that made his jeans tighten. He gripped Cas’s tie and pulled him off of his chair, a simple shift onto Dean’s lap. He gasped against Cas’s lips. “Fuck…”

"Dean," Cas breathed out as he wrapped his arms around Dean. He braced his forehead against Dean’s. "I feel... very warm. And my heart rate is not normal."

“You’re turned on,” he explained as he experimentally pressed his fingers against the nape of Cas’s neck again.

He wasn't disappointed. Cas gasped and rocked his hips forward, groaning out his name, "Dean, please. I... I need..." Somehow his voice got deeper.

Dean nodded, gently cupping his face. “I need you, too.”

He had never seen Cas like this. A soft red tinge painting his cheeks, eyes glazed over with lust as he looked at him in a mixture of awe and hunger. His lips were parted, and his breathing ragged as he murmured, "Should we go to your room?"

“Unless you wanna have sex on this shitty metal table,” Dean joked, although, he wouldn’t say no wherever Cas wanted it. Despite a nervousness, and insecurity in his lack of experience with men, he couldn’t wait to take this step with Cas. Maybe it was because of how damn long he’d loved the angel.

Cas's blush turned a deeper shade of red before he looked away, gently shaking his head. He slid from Dean's lap and held out his hand. "I would prefer your bed… I… I daydreamed about that."

Dean chuckled as he took Cas’s hand and let him pull him to his feet. He immediately stepped close and drew Cas in for another kiss; a brief, sharp connection of lips. Dean braced his forehead against Cas’s. “Me too.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas was nervous. His heart was beating uncontrollably, and he was having difficulties processing everything, even thinking. The fact that Dean had really kissed him, and wanted him, after years of thinking he wasn't interested… was a change Cas had a hard time grasping. 

But in the here and now, Dean wanted to have sexual intercourse with him, and Cas felt torn. Because he wanted nothing more than that, but at the same time, the prospect terrified him. Dean was so much more experienced at sex than he was. What if he did something wrong? What if Dean didn't like having sex with Cas? It was nerve wracking. 

When they reached Dean’s bedroom, Cas forgot how to breathe. He stared at Dean, squeezing his hand, trying to calm down his terrified heart.

“Hey,” Dean murmured as he gently cupped his cheek. “Talk to me.”

Dean must have picked up on his reluctance. Cas hoped he wouldn't. He looked away, feeling embarrassed, before he confessed, "I'm nervous. You… you have a lot more experience with this than I do. I'm afraid of doing something wrong, that I will be bad at it."

“First,” he said with a smile as he guided them both to sit on his bed, “not possible. And second, you’re the, uh… first guy I’ve ever… wanted to do anything like this with.” He chuckled. “Well, celestial wavelength of intent in a dude vessel.”

Cas couldn't help the smile. Dean was very funny sometimes, and on this occasion, it really helped calm him down. "That's good to know," he replied before he reached out to Dean's shoulder, sliding his hand to the button of Dean's shirt. He bit down on his lower lip as he popped open the first button, his heart practically beating out of his chest. "I still can't believe this is real," he murmured, more to himself.

“I swear if this isn’t, no one better wake me up,” Dean said as he rolled his fist around Cas’s tie. 

Not for the first time, Cas wondered what Dean's fascination was with his tie. Over the years, Dean often fiddled with it, usually to straighten it before a case. It had become one of Dean's habits, and the reason Cas loved wearing this outfit. 

He continued unbuttoning Dean's shirt, letting his eyes wander over the revealed skin under the fabric. "You're so very attractive," he breathed out.

Dean flashed him an almost amazed expression. “It’s still fucking with me. That you want me… like this.” Dean released Cas’s tie to focus his hands on Cas’s shirt. Slow, purposeful moves as he slipped each button open.

Cas gasped as he felt Dean's fingers so intimately, so close to his body. "I feel the same… I never dared to believe or hope you could feel this way about me." He licked over his lips as he gently pushed Dean's shirt off his shoulders. His hand hovered over the invisible handprint for a moment, before he smiled and removed Dean's shirt for good. He hesitated for a moment, still not used to the fact that he was allowed to touch and feel Dean in such an intimate way. Because Cas could, he reached out and slid his palm over Dean's chest.

Dean let out a soft groan as he made quick work of the rest of Cas’s buttons, managing to push his shirt off with the tie still about his neck. There was no hesitation as he used the tie to draw Cas in for a kiss.

Cas felt like he was melting into the kiss, parting his lips to let Dean in. He gasped when his arousal spiked the moment Dean touched his neck again. At this point, he was almost sure that Dean knew he was very sensitive to touch in that spot. The pleasure rippled through his entire essence, up to the top of his broken flight feathers, making him dizzy with want. "Dean," he breathed out against the hunter's lips, his fingers sliding playfully over Dean's nipple, knowing it was an erogenous zone for humans.

“Yeah, Cas?” He groaned as his hand trailed down Cas’s torso. Dean used his fingertips to trace the outline of Cas’s tattoo.

Cas could feel his muscles twitch at the gentle and pleasurable touch. "I can't wait to feel all of you," he managed to breathe out when his hands dropped to Dean's belt, opening the buckle.

“You have no idea,” Dean said as he leaned in to press a kiss to Cas’s pulse point.

Cas hummed and closed his eyes, enjoying how close Dean was and how much warmth he was radiating. He managed to open the button and the zipper of Dean’s jeans before he leaned back and stood up, opening his own pants while kicking off his shoes.

Dean’s hands moved to the hem of Cas’s pants, and he held his gaze as he pushed them past his hips. 

Cas licked over his way too dry lips as Dean helped pull his pants completely off. Cas was clad only in his boxer shorts and tie now. Boxer shorts that were tented from his erection. He swallowed dryly as Dean stood up, and Cas helped him out of his jeans. His gaze fell to Dean’s equally tented underwear, making him even dizzier with want, with the urge to touch him. He compensated for it by drawing Dean into another breath stealing kiss.

The way Dean gave in was intoxicating. There was a strength and tenderness all at once as he guided and yielded. Dean’s hand made its way to the back of his neck again, a gentle scratch against his nape before those deft fingers curled into Cas’s hair.

Cas felt like he was going crazy from the way Dean touched him. He got goosebumps all over his body, and it felt like pleasure was running through him like an electrical current. “Dean,” he gasped. “You’re making me crazy when you touch me like that.”

“Kinda the goal, angel,” he said with a soft laugh as he guided Cas back onto the bed.

The term of endearment made him smile. They sat on the edge of the bed before they started kissing again, and Dean pulled Cas down onto the mattress with him. Cas’s hand roamed over Dean’s chest, before he rolled onto his back, pulling Dean down with him so he was laying on top of him. Cas groaned deeply as he felt all of Dean’s weight pressed against him.

Dean let out a shaky exhale against his cheek. “Fuck, Cas…”

Cas rubbed his cheek against Dean with a hum, rocking his hips against him for a little bit of friction. It was an instinctual move, something he chose to trust since he wasn't sure how far they would go. "Dean, I think we should remove our underwear, too."

The speed with which Dean moved, underlined by a tremor of excitement, was impressive. Dean sat back on his haunches, fingers slipping beneath the waistband of Cas’s boxers. He licked his lips, hooded gaze focused on his own hands as he slowly began to pull Cas’s underwear down. The fabric dragged over Cas’s erection and when the material was past his hips, Dean let out a soft gasp. “Damn, Cas.” 

His erection was already dripping from every time Dean had touched his neck. Cas gave him a hesitant smile. "You're making me very aroused."

“I can tell,” Dean breathed out as he raked his nails over Cas’s thigh, inching closer to his erection. “Can…” He licked his lips again, a nervous habit. “Can I touch you?”

Cas bit down on his lower lip and nodded before he looked at Dean's underwear. "I would like to touch you, too.

Dean quickly pulled his own underwear off. He moved to settle alongside Cas, leaning over just enough until he was half draped Cas’s body. With a shaky exhale, Dean slid his hand over Cas’s chest and down his abdomen. He then grasped Cas’s hand and drew it to his own chest, guiding Cas’s hand down.

Cas was breathing faster now, his eyes never leaving Dean's as they reached Dean's erection. He bit down on his lower lip again as he wrapped his fingers around the girth, starting to gently stroke Dean at a slow pace.

The deep, guttural moan that escaped Dean’s lips was breathtaking. As he drew Cas in for an almost desperate kiss, his hand roamed lower and, without missing a beat, grasped Cas’s erection. Dean matched Cas’s pace, a slow, steady rhythm. 

"Dean," Cas gasped before he pressed his head into the pillow, letting out a deep moan. This felt a million times better than the one time he had sex before. The only problem was that it almost felt too good. He didn't want this to be over too quickly. He bit down hard on his lower lip, gasping before giving Dean a desperate look. "Dean, this feels so good."

Dean leaned in for a gentle kiss as he kept up his pace. “I wanna make you feel good.”

Cas whimpered and pressed his face against Dean's shoulder, for a moment losing the rhythm as he stroked Dean. “I… I’m already very close.” He hadn’t been this sensitive to lust, or this overwhelmed the last time he had sex. This was a whole new level.

“That’s okay, I… I wanna see you,” Dean murmured as he quickened his pace, peppering Cas’s neck with kisses. 

Cas couldn't stop moaning as he felt like he was losing it completely. The combination of friction, and Dean stimulating the area on his neck – it was simply too much. He gasped out Dean's name, coming all over Dean's hand and his own stomach. 

It took a long moment before he tried to get his breathing under control, staring at Dean in awe. He remembered then that he had stopped stroking Dean, so he resumed, a little harder and faster than before.

Dean gasped and nodded, bracing his forehead against Cas’s. “Keep that up and I’m right behind ya’...” He groaned as his eyes screwed shut from evident pleasure.

Cas couldn't get enough of seeing Dean like this, knowing that he was giving him pleasure, seeing Dean opening up and showing Cas this side of him. A side he had never seen before, but had longed to, for years. He stroked him faster then, his thumb rubbing over the head to spread the precum. 

“Cas,” Dean groaned out his name, but it was compounded by the inadvertent prayer Dean had sent as well, his name on repeat in Dean’s ardent thoughts. He bucked up into Cas’s hand and grasped Cas by the shoulder. “Kiss me.” It was as much a plea as it was a demand.

And Cas had never been one to ignore a plea or command by Dean. He leaned forward, his lips ghosting over Dean's before he parted them and instantly deepened the kiss, humming when he could feel Dean's tongue against his own.

The vibrations of Dean’s physical response, the way he succumbed, sent a shiver down Cas’s spine. Dean whimpered into the kiss when his body tensed for a moment, coming over Cas’s hand.

Cas stroked him through the waves of pleasure, their kisses turning from heated and desperate, to slow and contented. He let go of Dean, leaning back so he could look into his eyes before he raised his hand and licked some of Dean's come off of it. He had seen this is an inappropriate video while searching for cream pie recipes. It tasted salty, and Cas tried to suppress the way his angelic side tried to analyze every molecule. It was a part of Dean. And he liked it. 

Dean groaned, an appreciative growling sound as he dove in for another kiss. A little more frantic, a little more needy.

It appeared Dean liked that display. Maybe the next time Cas could make him come with his mouth… He groaned at the thought and the feeling of Dean's tongue ravishing his mouth. When he leaned back, his breathing ragged and fast, he murmured, "Next time I want to make you come with my mouth."

“Fuck,” Dean said through an outright moan. He moved on top of Cas, their naked bodies in an embrace as he proceeded to kiss the breath out of Cas.

Cas could feel himself growing hard again with the way Dean felt on top of him. He groaned into the kiss, one hand finding Dean's bicep to hold onto, the other stroking gently over Dean's nipple with his index finger, making it pebble.

He could feel how his ministrations were affecting Dean. How quickly the simple movements were making his lover hard again too. “Why the fuck did we wait so long?” 

Cas shook his head with a soft smile. "Because we didn't know..." He reached out to touch Dean's cheek. "Since when have you felt this way about me?"

Dean appeared contemplative for a moment. After a beat, turning his head to press a kiss to the pad of Cas’s thumb, he said, “I… didn’t always know what I felt was… you know. But, when I lost you, when you were human and that bitch reaper killed you… Something changed, even if it didn’t click.”

Cas still didn't like to think about that time. It had been hard being without Dean. He inhaled deeply before he murmured, "I think I started to realize my feelings for you very early on. I knew what it was when you asked me to rebel."

“You’ll never know how much I regret my part in how much you lost for us, sacrificed for us, for me. How much I regret the way I’ve treated you,” Dean confessed, gently carding his hand through Cas’s hair.

Cas closed his eyes and leaned into Dean's hand. "I know, Dean. We talked about this. You know I don't blame you, and I forgave you... for everything."

Dean let out a soft, almost broken laugh. “That makes me the luckiest bastard on the planet.”

Cas huffed out a laugh in kind. "I know what that feels like." He leaned up to draw Dean into a soft kiss, parting his lips with a soft gasp. "And I'm enjoying every minute of it."

“Me too,” Dean growled against his lips as his other hand trailed down Cas’s chest. Dean’s lips soon followed, pressing kiss after kiss as he proceeded to go lower and lower. He stopped at Cas’s tattoo and pressed a tender kiss to each symbol.

Cas squirmed under the touch, breathing hard as his eyes followed Dean's every move. He carded his fingers through Dean's hair before he asked hesitantly, "What do you want me to do?"

Dean dragged the pad of his thumb over Cas’s hip bone. “To enjoy this,” he said as he shifted lower and ducked his gaze as he took the head of Cas’s erection into his mouth.

Cas gasped out at the sudden onslaught of pleasure. Dean's hot and wet mouth surrounding his pulsing erection was robbing him of the ability to breathe. "Dean, oh... f–fuck." He rarely cursed, but in this instance he couldn’t help himself.

Dean’s groan around his girth created the most intoxicating reverberation. His left hand splayed against Cas’s hip before tightening, holding on as he worked Cas’s erection with his mouth and other hand, the two meeting to make up the shortfall.

"Dean, oh, hmmm..." Cas moaned as his fingers carded through Dean's hair and tightened his grip. "Dean... I don't... don't want to come, yet."

Dean gently pulled off, lips now red from the stretch. He flashed Cas a smile. “Why?”

Cas could feel the familiar heat painting his cheeks, it happened whenever he felt embarrassed. "I want... um, I want to... have sex with you."

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “You sure?” he asked as he moved higher, slotting himself against Cas, leaning in for a kiss.

He could feel his own heartbeat in his throat. "Yes, very much so. Please."

That was met with an ardent nod as Dean leaned over to open his nightstand drawer. After some rustling, he pulled out a purple bottle and flashed Cas a loving smile. “Fuck, I’ve only ever dreamed about this.”

"You did?" To think that Dean had fantasized about this, just like Cas, was really surprising. “What… what do you want to do?”

Dean showed Cas the bottle. “We’ve gotta get you prepped.”

Cas felt shy again, biting down on his lip before he pushed himself into an upright position to draw Dean into another kiss. "How... um, how do you want me?" 

With a smile, Dean helped Cas up, until they were both on their knees on the bed. He pressed a chaste kiss to his lips and whispered, “Turn around for me.”

His heart skipped a few beats as he followed Dean's request and turned around. Goosebumps broke out all over his skin as Dean wrapped his arm around Cas to pull him close, back against his chest. For some reason, the position made him feel safe and warm. 

Dean pressed a kiss to the nape of his neck and whispered, “I’ll go slow.” A tell tale click followed, and he could feel how Dean’s other hand gently started kneading at his left buttock.

The way Dean's hot breath was tickling the sensitive skin on his neck, and the anticipation, was driving him insane. His erection was pulsing with need as he leaned back into Dean's embrace. "Dean, this is already so much better than my day dream."

“I’d hope so,” he breathed through a soft laugh. When Cas’s cheeks were parted, Dean’s slick digit gently pushed at the ring of muscle of his entrance. “Fuck, Cas.” The groan was almost animalistic as the digit just put a small amount of pressure.

Cas groaned from the stimulation of all the nerve endings. "Yes, Dean, please." He couldn't wait to feel Dean. There was this complete, animalistic urge, knowing Dean would come inside of him, that really spiked his arousal.

As he relaxed into Dean’s ministrations, the tip of Dean’s finger pushed past the tight ring of muscle, causing a wondrous and temperature fluctuating spike of pleasure. Dean’s breathing grew ragged as he started slowly, but surely, circling the digit. “You’re so tight, Cas…”

Cas hummed and relaxed into him, trying to get Dean's finger in deeper. "I can't wait to feel you inside me, Dean." He closed his eyes and gasped when Dean's finger grazed his prostate. The pleasure was incredible. "Yes, Dean. Just like that."

“Ready for another finger?” He had never heard Dean’s voice so husky. Then Dean gently bit the skin at the nape of his neck, where the connection of his body to his essence was at its thinnest.

"Yes, please. Don't worry... you won't hurt me," Cas explained, hoping it would move the process along. He was getting impatient to feel Dean.

Dean chuckled and a second digit pushed inside. He began to scissor his fingers, his other hand still braced against Cas’s chest to hold him close. “I can’t wait to feel you.”

Cas was breathing hard now, only interrupted by each moan as he rocked his ass against Dean's fingers. "Yes, I... I need to feel you, Dean."

“You ready?” Dean’s voice was hesitant, but still husky from his evident lust.

Cas had used his grace to help his muscles relax. He was confident he was ready, even though Dean's erection was pretty big. "Yes, I think so. Just go slow," he breathed out, looking over his shoulder.

“Like this? Or…” Dean pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’d like to see your face.”

His heart skipped a beat again as he happily turned around, drawing Dean into a deep kiss. "However you want me, Dean."

As Dean laid Cas down, he slotted himself between his legs and grabbed the bottle again. Dean showed it to Cas. “Wanna put some on me?” he asked as he looked down at his own erection for a moment.

Cas nodded and took the bottle from Dean, before opening it and pouring some of the liquid onto his fingers. He rubbed them together to warm it up before he looked at Dean. With a smile, Cas wrapped his slick fingers around Dean's erection. The groan falling from Dean's lips was really nice to hear, and he enjoyed stroking him with the lube, feeling his velvet, heated erection in his hand.

Dean leaned in for a kiss, a tender, permission seeking kiss, as he took over. He gripped his erection and guided himself to Cas’s entrance. “You tell me if I hurt you.”

Cas nodded, a little breathless. "Of course," he breathed out as he spread his legs a little further so Dean would have enough space to easily enter him. "Please, Dean."

With a nod, bottom lip trapped between his teeth, Dean slowly started pushing inside of Cas. A deep groan escaped. “Goddamn…”

It felt amazing, even though there was a slight burn. But that was easily ignored with the immense pressure Cas could feel against his prostate. He groaned as he snaked his arms around Dean to hold him close. "Dean, yes, you feel so good." He gasped, his voice husky with lust. Cas got lost in Dean's green eyes as he slid deeper inside, feeling an intense connection that he had never felt before.

“Cas,” another prayer another groan, as Dean slowly started moving inside of him. His breaths were heavy and drawn out, Dean’s forehead now braced against his own.

"Fuck, Dean," Cas cursed as Dean's erection started dragging over his prostate, elliminating every thought in his brain and reducing him to a groaning mess. His hips moved involuntarily, up and against Dean as his fingers found the back of Dean’s neck, holding him in place. “Dean,” he whispered, succumbing to the pleasure of feeling Dean inside of his body and inside of his mind.

Dean practically growled, “Love hearing you say fuck…” His pace started to quicken, arms wrapped around Cas as their breaths tangled in a dance of ecstasy driven moans.

Cas whimpered now, the pleasure too much for him to hold back much longer. "Dean, oh... fuck, I'm so close. Please... Harder."

“Fuck,” Dean moaned as he shifted Cas’s hips up, to fuck into him at a faster pace. His hand slipped between them to grasp Cas’s erection, pumping in time with his thrusts.

It was too much. Cas cried out Dean's name as his orgasm overwhelmed him. It almost felt like he blacked out for a moment before his eyes found Dean's again with a pleading look. "Please, come in me."

Dean nodded, his pupils dilated as they held his gaze, never once breaking contact. “You’re so beautiful…” he breathed out in apparent awe.

Cas bit down on his lower lip, his heart bursting with happiness. "I love you," he whispered.

The way Dean smiled was breathtaking. He closed the gap, drawing him in for a languid, lingering kiss before his hips stilled, slammed in to the hilt. Cas could feel it as Dean filled him.

He groaned into the kiss, another soft whimper escaping, swallowed by Dean's clever tongue. When he braced his forehead against Dean's again he chuckled. He felt so light. "I could feel you coming in me."

Dean grinned. “Guess that means you’re mine forever.”

"It does?" 

“Does now,” he affirmed as he gently pulled out of Cas. Dean moved to his side, curling against Cas, arm draped across his chest as he nuzzled into Cas’s neck. “You make me happy, angel.”

Cas gasped quietly, feeling Dean against his neck. "That's all I ever wanted. For you to be happy, Dean."

Dean’s breathing started to even out. “You’ve kinda always been my happiness, Cas.”

Cas smiled as he grabbed Dean's hand and moved it to his lips, kissing Dean's knuckles. "That makes me very happy to hear." He sighed in contentment, getting cozier in Dean's embrace. "I love you."

Dean hummed against his shoulder. “I love you too.” As his lover’s breathing became deeper, more sound and content, Cas realized that Dean was starting to fall asleep.

It was the first time Dean had said those three little words to him, but Cas had never needed to hear them. He had felt them in every single second Dean opened up to him, had let him in. Cas could have Dean.

He smiled and shifted a little to kiss Dean's forehead, his hand lingering on Dean's shoulder. "Good night, Dean."

**_The End of the Road, the Start of the Journey_ **


End file.
